Two men with two very different disabilities, one is a man who is without arms, the other, no legs (kind of), but together they combine as one, creating a force mightier than any other that has come before them. Despite their disabilities, both of the men (played by Frank Shum and Jack Conn) have each learned to fight using their respective shortcomings – they have become Crippled Masters, if you will. Now, while Crippled Masters 2: Two Crippled Heroes is a sequel to 1979′s The Crippled Masters, the two returning crippled characters (whose names I did not catch nor had an easy time finding) are starting anew in this indirect sequel.
The crip-panions have two obvious things in common, they are both disabled and they both can fight, but what really seems to be the glue in their rocky relationship is their desire to help those less fortunate than they are (LESS fortunate?), as well as their distaste for authoritative bullying. This manifests itself when the duo discovers a beautiful young woman who – after learning of the mayor’s plan to scheme money from the hardworking people of their town – has been beaten and only narrowly escaped her own demise. Left temporarily blinded and without a safe place left to go, the crippled crew takes the woman in so they can help her along the road to recovery, while both having high hopes that they can get in her pants.
Of course, no sexy broad in her right mind wants to bone a dude with no legs or no arms, so the guys figure it best to hide their disabilities from her, which results in some seriously hysterical hijinks! Actually, it doesn’t result in any sort of hysterical hijinks at all, but I think it was meant be funny; instead, it’s just creepy and weird. The obvious lesson of never judging a book by its crippled cover is all over the place in Two Cripple Heroes, with both men being afraid to show their true colors despite the young lady being temporarily crippled herself. However, no appendages or not, these guys ain’t exactly making up for their lack of limbs in any other areas, either. Considering that one has teeth made-up solely from built-up plaque residue, and the other has a mole with a six-foot long hair coming out of it, the lack of arms/legs is only the start of their exterior issues.
Much of the film is about our two crippled protagonists and their stance against the oppressions brought forth by “The Man,” which ties into their relationship and protection of their new female companion. I never found anything about the story or the main characters in Two Crippled Heroes to be interesting (let alone all that entertaining) in the least, but since this is a martial arts film, that’s all better placed on the back burner as far as importance goes. What the two crippled heroes actually bring to a mostly bland table is their ability to fight, and both Frank Shum and Jack Conn are quite good at what they do. Regardless of their physical misfortunes, what they are capable of is simply amazing, and for the most part, it’s neat to watch them go at it against any of their many foes, or even against one another, which happens quite often.
Still, as impressive as they are for their respective disadvantages, the fight scenes aren’t even fully exciting enough to make Crippled Masters 2 a fun movie. It’s a great exploitative concept that should totally work (and does to a greater effect in the original film); however, it’s mostly stale and quite boring at times. How that happens is beyond me. I mean, there’s a fucking monkey in this film. A MONKEY. And yet, it still lacks any of the meat necessary to satisfy my incredibly easy to fulfill appetite. It seems that the only thing Two Crippled Heroes has going for it are the two handicapped heroes, and frankly, they aren’t enough to, or used in a way that, makes this movie all that enjoyable passed the gimmick.
The Crippled Masters 2: Two Crippled Heroes (as well as The Crippled Masters 3: Fighting Life) was released earlier this year for the first time on DVD by Apprehensive films. Now, it’s great that there is a company that put these films out on DVD, but the presentation is all but satisfactory for what is being called a DVD release. I would guess that Apprehensive is a small company, so I assume their funds are all but abundant, but if you are looking to release a film on DVD, I fully expect better quality than a VHS transfer that, even in terms of VHS, is quite poor. The format is certainly not representative of the film’s original release (which is a no-no in any martial arts film), there are plenty of tracking problems, and the sound and picture quality are as weak as a Stephen Hawking’s karate kick.
Personally, I don’t mind watching VHS transfers when it comes to a Mill Creek release or something along those lines, but these films are being sold as official releases, and the quality is not of that standard. The extras are not in any way worth mentioning, and the only moderately impressive thing would be the cover art for both films. Otherwise, with a $12.95 price-tag – which is really not too bad if these were respectable releases presented properly for the cult film consumer – these releases are no better than overpriced grey market copies. Had they lumped both films on one disc for that price, I would be more forgiving, but I cannot get behind a release of a film that wasn’t shown the love that all films deserve. Mediocre film with a horrible release, this is one will only appeal to the diehard fans.
