“Simon Says” Watch This Movie!
Or don’t watch it, cuz it is pretty awful. Yet, also strangely wonderful. Simon Says is a little gem from 2006 available on netflix instant watch. It’s a by the books slasher involving a k
Published on February 3, 2010 | Filed under Review

Or don’t watch it, cuz it is pretty awful. Yet, also strangely wonderful. Simon Says is a little gem from 2006 available on netflix instant watch. It’s a by the books slasher involving a killer with split personalities set in some remote wilderness. A killer who just happens to be portrayed by Crispin Glover. We’ll revisit that later though.

Sure Simon Says is getting by on a low budget, and this fact is evident just from the film’s opening scenes. But it does some very important things correctly. It balances its short comings with its (hopefully) intentional comedic edge, creating a prime example of “so bad it’s good” film making. And make no mistake, my ringing endorsement of this film is based solely on the fact it was able to send me into fits of wheezing laughter.

Extreme and oddly placed gore help make this a slapsticky romp filled with flying pickaxes. Seriously, the things whip around the screen with little explanation. It’s outstanding. There is also a gut busting scene involving a dog named “Reggie B.” I don’t want to give it away because it is one of the film’s high points. I mean, we re-watched the scene because it was so amazing. I just wanted to point out that the dog’s name is Reggie B. Not like you need me to tell you, but that is a very comical name for a canine. I promised we would come back to Mr. Glover, so here we are. I found it strange that he has a starring role in such a low budget, goofy horror film. But I suppose he is a strange guy… When I first saw his top billing for this I figured he’d show up a few times and collect his paycheck. Ya know, just a stretched out cameo so a small genre flick can throw a recognizable name on a DVD cover; ie: Blake Lively. NOPE! He is in this movie. He is the motherfucking star. He is HORRIFYING! Crispin Glover is a scary guy. He is playing an unhinged, murderous individual and I totally bought it. Like I said, this movie is goofy and he brings the (unintentional?) laughs. But he is so committed to this role that he gets a little frightening. He also has a strange accent and may or may not have a mental handicap. Yes, this adds to the funny. But it also ruined me for Crispin Glover.

I know I’m not alone in finding there to be something very attractive about that man. I thought he was so cute in Back to the Future when I was young. And he has aged well! He looks good in Simon Says, with his piercing eyes and tight thermal shirt. Until he opens his mouth and lets that awful Cajun (?) accent fall out. I felt so conflicted. He looked real good to me, but every other sense was yelling for me to turn away. I guess he’s a good actor…

I beg of you all to watch this film. It needs your love and I need people to giggle about it with.


Christine enjoys obsessing over Paracinema magazine. She also loves well written hour long TV dramas. Her free time is spent with her many boyfriends: Brian De Palma, Edgar Wright & Alfred Hitchcock.

  • Sarah from Scare Sarah

    Blake Lively is H.O.T.

    Not seen this film, sounds pretty good!

  • Stephen Andrew

    LOVED this movie when I watched a couple years back, especially the dog crushing scene. I even asked Crispin about it when I met him. He wasn't impressed. Hahaha. Great film for gorehounds!

  • Matt-suzaka

    Well, Christine, you know I'll watch this and I think it may already be in my queue. I remember reading the description about Glover playing a split personality role and I was like…oh word!?!! Now I have anticipation…for something extra shitty! Also, someone told me I look like Crispen Glover once, so you're right, he is hot!

  • christine

    The dog crushing scene is AMAZING! So many lols.
    Matt, you must write your own blog once you see this. I just know you'll have oodles to say!

  • zombivish

    ooo Crispin Glover, gore, Gossip Girl? finally a film made for me and the missus!

  • James

    Dog crushing, multiple personalities, backwoods slasherdom AND Crispin Glover?! Sign me up Christine!