Or don’t watch it, cuz it is pretty awful. Yet, also strangely wonderful. Simon Says is a little gem from 2006 available on netflix instant watch. It’s a by the books slasher involving a killer with split personalities set in some remote wilderness. A killer who just happens to be portrayed by Crispin Glover. We’ll revisit that later though.
Sure Simon Says is getting by on a low budget, and this fact is evident just from the film’s opening scenes. But it does some very important things correctly. It balances its short comings with its (hopefully) intentional comedic edge, creating a prime example of “so bad it’s good” film making. And make no mistake, my ringing endorsement of this film is based solely on the fact it was able to send me into fits of wheezing laughter.
Extreme and oddly placed gore help make this a slapsticky romp filled with flying pickaxes. Seriously, the things whip around the screen with little explanation. It’s outstanding. There is also a gut busting scene involving a dog named “Reggie B.” I don’t want to give it away because it is one of the film’s high points. I mean, we re-watched the scene because it was so amazing. I just wanted to point out that the dog’s name is Reggie B. Not like you need me to tell you, but that is a very comical name for a canine. I promised we would come back to Mr. Glover, so here we are. I found it strange that he has a starring role in such a low budget, goofy horror film. But I suppose he is a strange guy… When I first saw his top billing for this I figured he’d show up a few times and collect his paycheck. Ya know, just a stretched out cameo so a small genre flick can throw a recognizable name on a DVD cover; ie: Blake Lively. NOPE! He is in this movie. He is the motherfucking star. He is HORRIFYING! Crispin Glover is a scary guy. He is playing an unhinged, murderous individual and I totally bought it. Like I said, this movie is goofy and he brings the (unintentional?) laughs. But he is so committed to this role that he gets a little frightening. He also has a strange accent and may or may not have a mental handicap. Yes, this adds to the funny. But it also ruined me for Crispin Glover.
I know I’m not alone in finding there to be something very attractive about that man. I thought he was so cute in Back to the Future when I was young. And he has aged well! He looks good in Simon Says, with his piercing eyes and tight thermal shirt. Until he opens his mouth and lets that awful Cajun (?) accent fall out. I felt so conflicted. He looked real good to me, but every other sense was yelling for me to turn away. I guess he’s a good actor…
I beg of you all to watch this film. It needs your love and I need people to giggle about it with.