Top 5 Best Villains EVER!

July 14, 2009

Well, maybe I’m fibbing a bit when I say best villains ever, but it is a list that has 5 characters that just so happen to be Villain’s, and they are “the best.” So yeah, technically, it is the top 5 best villain’s list…okay, maybe I’m reaching a bit with “best,” but it is a nice diverse list of bad-ass tough guy characters to say the least. Some good, and some just plain fun, but every one of them has created some sort of misery for each one of their respective film protagonists. Now please, sit back, sip on a warm cup of love with a dab of honey, and enjoy…

1. Norman Stansfield – The Professional
The Professional has one of my all time favorite villain’s, played by one of my all time favorite actors in Gary Oldman as the “cop gone bad,” Norman Stansfield. Bad really isn’t the word that describes Stansfield; evil would most certainly be more fitting. Stansfield is a sweaty, greasy, drugged up, corrupt, child killing bastard, who pretty much does whatever he wants, and has the means to do so and get away with it. He has absolutely no redeemable qualities whatsoever, and everyone is expendable to him. He is a truly scary character, one that you would not want to be on the wrong side of.

2. Stripe – Gremlins
Love Joe Dante’s 1984 horror/comedy masterpiece Gremlins, which also has a very awesome baddie known to humans simply as, Stripe. What makes Stripe so bad you say? Well, first off, he does have a Mohawk which shows he is rebelling against society. He loves to swim and reproduce in closed swimming pools, after hours, with no life guards on duty…what if someone were to drown? I doubt Stripe knows mouth to mouth and/or CPR, so that just shows his reckless nature. He also rides around care free on his skateboard in the mall…while it’s closed!! And he has a habit of sneaking friends into the movies without paying…bullshit. Oh, and I should add that Stripe does have a potty mouth as he often refers to America’s sweetheart, Gizmo as “Gizmo caca.” I think we all know that Gizmo is not in anyway, caca…okay, Stripe.

3. Jared Svenning – Mallrats
The underrated 1994 film Mallrats gave us a great villain in the controlling, skinhead, exhibitionist, Jared Svenning. For a man that loves chocolate covered pretzel’s he sure is an asshole. He is uncreative, possessive, and he really dislikes anyone wearing his daughter as a cock ring. The worst thing about Svenning is that he knows Karate and isn’t afraid to use it on you if you try and get into his daughters pants. But, the only positive thing, is that his Martial Art’s moves are only effective when he’s wearing no more than a damp towel. So, chances are you can get away from him before he unleashes his “semi-nude” attack. Michael Rooker who played Svenning, has recently gone on record as saying that he is embarrassed about playing this character for he has officially denounced nude fighting for religious reasons. Whatever that means.

4. Greg Rainmaker – The Stabilizer
Next up is Greg Rainmaker from 1984’s The Stabilizer; Rainmaker truly will make it “rain” on your parade if you cross his path. He is a drug smuggler and a twisted gang leader, obsessed with stylish tuxes whilst wearing a beard, showing he doesn’t need to keep a close shave for anyone. If you do find yourself in Greg Rainmaker’s company, better hope it’s on the golf course…cause he wears cleats with sharpened pointy ends that he just loves to use on helpless woman that are engaged to men with nice perms. Even if he doesn’t end your life with his devastating “cleat blows” you will for sure need to spend an entire day waiting in the emergency room for a tetanus shot. Now that is truly frightening…

5. Greg Tolan – Just One of the Guys
What’s that you say? The great William Zabka mentioned as a villain, and it’s not as Cobra Kai “Never Die” Johnny Lawrence? Blasphemy! Well, not really, see Johnny shows he isn’t a bad guy at heart by the end of Yuen Woo ping’s Martial Arts epic, The Karate Kid. But, in 1985’s Just One of the Guys, Zabka’s character Greg Tolan is a truly evil person…he has blond feathered hair (that even wind is afraid to flow through), hates cross dressers, and he is just an overall prick. Even when Tolan isn’t at the gym, he still wears a pair of moist weightlifting gloves so he can show off his strength in the cafeteria by lifting tables and dumping lunches on unsuspecting wimps. Shoulda brought a bagged lunch, loser.

So that is my list of the Top 5 Best Villains, hope you all enjoyed my picks and have some good ones to add yourself. I am a little disappointed in myself that I had no ladies on this delectably delicious list of yummy. However, that gives me reason (or an excuse) to do another villain list some time down the road, but with all women!!

Author | Matt-suzaka

When god created man, he also created Matt-suzaka, and while this is looked at as a mistake by many, his loyal dance troop, “Gold Explosion,” would feel otherwise. Now, armed with the sword of vengeance and a group of off-the-chain back-up dancers, Matt-suzaka defends humanity at Chuck Norris Ate My Baby.com

Emily

You can tell an awful lot about a villain's level of evilness by his hair. I'd add a lot of men who wield mean greasy ponytails, like the oedipal ex con in Kindergarten Cop. He's actually not that bad of a guy–he just wants custody of his child–but because of that damn ponytail, he seems so…villainous.

and great call on the feathered do'. A lot of yuppie 80s villains fall under this category.

Mohawks, on the other hand, are generally quite awesome and can only amp up one's coolness. We gave our terrier mix a mowhawk once and he became the spitting image of Stripe. It was quite adorable.
Matt-suzaka

Ha ha…did your terrier mix start hanging out with the punk gang from Repo Man only to move onto a life of "doing crimes?!"

The first greasy ponytail that comes to mind is from the Thomas Ian Griffith character in The Karate Kid part III: Revenge of the Cobra Kai. But, unlike the dude from Kindergarten Cop, he is a straight up bad guy…a bad guy with Karate skills to boot.

And I should add, I had a great blond 80's feathered hair cut.
Jeff Allard

Your list of villains is totally rad! It's tough to me to narrow such a wide field down to five choices but my top five would be:

1. Luther from The Warriors
David Patrick Kelly the bomb here and everyone knows the famous lines: "Warriors…come out to plaaay-aay!"

2. Chucky from the Child's Play series.
I hear a Child's Play remake is in the works – I hope so 'cause I can't go much longer without a fresh appearance from the most evil hunk of kids merchandise ever to walk the Earth.

3. "The Night Slasher" in Cobra
The dude who went on to be some alien clone guy in The X-Files plays the lead psycho here and man, does Stallone have his work cut out for him! His line "I want your eyes, pig!" is one for the ages.

4. Milo in The Last Boy Scout
Taylor Negron totally rips it up here, facing off against both Bruce Willis and Damon Wayans.

5. Blane in Pretty in Pink
Come on, James Spader is frigging awesome in this movie and everyone knows it!

Bonus Villain Shout-Out goes to Robert Vaughn's sister in Superman III. When she gets turned into a robot at the end, look out!
Jeff Allard

Aw crap, I meant "Steff" from Pretty in Pink. Personally, though, I always thought Blane would've been a better name for Spader's character instead of Andrew McCarthy's.
Matt-suzaka

Thanks Jeff! I could have gone so many ways with this list, but tried to keep it as versatile as possible. I will someday do another one I'm sure…so many great villains to write about!

David Patrick Kelly is an awesome choice…I remembered he was in 48Hrs. and a quick IMDB look reveals that his characters name is Luther in that film too. Thought that was kinda cool since Walter Hill directed both films.

Love Chucky and pretty much all of the Child's Play films, and even read the book for Child's Play 3! I never found Chucky to be all that scary, but he is a great villain throughout the entire series, and that's including the more humorous Bride and Seed films.

I barely remember Cobra or The Last Boy Scout outside of knowing that I liked both films. I do love Brian Thompson though, and he will be making an appearance in an upcoming post I will be working on. He was in the TV series Werewolf too!

Steff is another great choice too. Spader plays arrogant prick asshole better than anyone else…he just has that dickhead look about him and just the way he talks to people. He is the guy you want to punch in the face sooo bad!

And for the record, that chick in Superman III scared the hell out of me as a kid! When she turns into a robot, and then opens her all white eyes…I probably took a dump in my pants!
Joe Humphrey

Michael Rooker can sure play a damned solid asshole. Personally, I'd have to call his portrayal of Henry in Henry: Portrait of a Killer as the most badass scary bad guy he's played though.

And I'll agree with Jeff about David Patrick Kelly in The Warriors. He was such a scummy bad guy in that movie. When Swan asks him "Why'd you waste Cyrus?" and he responds with "No reason… I just like doing things like that" it's just nasty and creepy and awesome.
Joe Humphrey

Oh, also this:

Gary Oldman in The Professional is probably the most awesome crazy villain in a movie ever.
Emily

The woman from Superman III terrified me. It's the scariest 2 minutes in any PG movie. I wrote in to OTC about it a long way back during the "Childhood Horror" segment.

Chucky is one of the world's greatest villains for so many reasons. He's resourceful, got a great sense of humor, and proves that the world should indeed be afraid of short people. Plus, he hunts kids and that's pure evil.

Our dog, by the way, didn't change crowds, but he did become the bully of the house. I believe he decided, entirely on his own, that the smallest cat should be cast as Gizmo.
Matt-suzaka

Joe: Rooker is truly frightening as Henry, and he is one of the scariest film characters of all time. But, Henry isn't into Otis grabbin all up on his own sister, so there was some sort of ethics to be found within the character…Okay, maybe I'm stretching a little!

Oldman's performance in The Professional is one of my all time favorites. The only Oldman performance I may like slightly better, is his character Jackie Flannery from the film State of Grace. He blows the proverbial doors off the screen in that film. Love Gary Oldman!

Emily: I remember someone had called in about that scene from Superman III. I may have called in a follow up VM to your VM agreeing that the scene scared the crap outta me too.

The great resourceful nature of Chucky makes me think of when Chucky and Tiffany are trying to one up one another in resourceful/creative kills. It is so funny that it brings them closer together as they are impressed with each other’s murderous ideas.
I think it's when Tiffany kills John Ritter’s character with the nails where Chucky turns around, looks at her in amazement, and just says, "I love you!"

And you should tell that poor little cat to not be such a pussy!
Joe Humphrey

I think my favorite Oldman performance was as Drexel in True Romance.
Emily

Chucky and Tiffany are one of my all-time favorite movie couples. Their relationship in Seed of Chucky is even more insane.

My cat, by the way, gives pussies a bad name.

And lastly, Oldman is a fantastic villain in any form. I even have a weird affection for his role in Hannibal because only that guy could pull off being evil while driving a rascal.
Naked Eskimo

I just watched Stabilizer for the first time. Thank you so very much for bringing this movie into my life, Matt. Pure gold, the whole way through.
Matt-suzaka

I wanna say thanks for all the great responses everyone!

Joe: What's a Drexel?!
(His voice and demeanor were so great in that role)

Emily: You gotta send that poor cat to Karate classes!

I forgot Oldman was that nasty looking dude in Hannibal…I haven't seen it since it came out in theaters. I even kinda like him as the baddie in The Fifth Element, even though he looks like such a tool.

Even after the man has played so many great bad guys, he is such a great actor that I almost don't even feel like it's Oldman playing Gordon in the Batman franchise…he just "is" Gordon, not Oldman.

Eskie: You sir, are very welcome! I fucking LOVE The Stabilizer and I actually watched it on Netflix, and now I own the DVD because I liked it so much! It will appear on at least one more list in the future for sure.